I live in Yorktown, VA, and after a short preChristmas trip to Hilton Head Island and another short stop back home to celebrate the holiday with our two boys, I headed to my childhood home on LI, NY. The original purpose of this trip was to see my aging parents (88 and 90), who had limited opportunities to get out into the world. By the time I arrived, we all (my parents, my siblings, and I) had come to the conclusion they could no longer live independently in their apartment. My sisters, my wife, and I planned a couple of visits at nearby assisted living facilities. By the time we left on New Years Eve to spend the night with friends in State College, PA, we had left a deposit at one of the facilities and my sisters were set to take my parents there for a visit and an evaluation.
I had my phone turned off New Years Eve, and when I didn't realize until the next day when we were more than halfway back to VA that I had a voice mail message from my sister. It seems that twice the night before my father fell. This had been an ongoing problem, and each time the EMTs would come and help him up. After the first fall that day, they helped him back up, but after the second one (in which his head put a hole in the bathroom wall), they insisted that he go to the hospital.
The next morning, knowing that a major storm was heading to the NYC area, I quickly packed up my car and headed north again. I went directly to the hospital and found my father with a big patch on his forehead and a fair amount of confusion. We had been seeing signs of dementia for several months, but it seemed to be progressing quickly. After almost 10 days in the hospital and a countless number of tests, they moved him to one of the rehab facilities (i.e. nursing homes) we had selected.
In the meantime, we met with a specialist in elder care who emphasized that our first task should be to find an attorney who specializes in elder care law. The wife of an old college buddy of mine recommended someone who she used, liked, and thought was reasonable with his fees. Thus began the long, ardous task of getting my parents' financial affairs in order. I consider myself an organized person, and my father's organizational habits weren't bad, but dealing with someone else's "stuff" is a challenge. We were working on a two-tiered strategy: move all my parents' assets to my mother's name and collect copes of all the documents needed to file for Medicaid. In NY, you can do this and qualify one spouse for Medicaid within three months.
The night I returned home to VA, I threw my back at and lost another complete week of school. The following week we were off MLK's Birthday holiday, had a normal Tuesday, lost Wednesday and Thursday to snow, and had an end of semester day off on Friday. I actually went in on the second snow day, but still that meant that I only worked two days.
I had to return to NY the following Monday to meet with the lawyer. I traveled on Sunday, arriving late in the afternoon. On Monday my mother, my sister, and I went to visit my father. I was amazed at how lucid he was and he looked great, but he was taken away shortly after we arrived to be checked by the doctor at the nursing home. He had been having a problem that concerned the nursing staff. The doctor decided he needed to go to the ER. I could probably write a 10-page ebook on that experience, but I stayed with him for eight hours, and he remained another four or five before he was transported, in the middle of the night, back to the nursing home.
The meeting with the lawyer was rescheduled for Wednesday, an unfortunate delay as there wasn't much I could do until that meeting took place. After we finally met, I received Power of Attorney for both of my parents and then the real work began. I spent the next two days in marathon sessions of dealing with my parents' financial and legal affairs. By the time I left on Friday, I had their papers well organized, had done what I could, and packed up the items that I could do from home.
So, other than finding a forum to vent, why am I writing about all this and what does it have to do with technology? First of all, I can't emphasize enough the importance of getting your own affairs in order and well organized. Several people I know died suddenly and at relatively young ages, so you never know what lies ahead. Make Excel your friend. It has helped me so much with my parents' information and my own. Also, create as many online accounts as possible. This has saved me more time and trouble than anything else.
It's a quiet day at school. Everyone has returned from an additional three snow days. (Alas, I was away for one of the rare measurable snowfalls we have in this area.) Between the teachers trying to revamp their plans and my extended absences, the need for my services is minimal . . at least for the moment. I hope to get back into the routine of posting daily or at least regularly. It's a little late for this, but Happy New Year.
No comments:
Post a Comment